Friday, October 9, 2009
Yearning
"I miss you so much.
Jake, I really do...
Why'd you do this to me?
Where'd you go?"
Judith pined, sobbing out to the gloom that blanketed the sky,
her heartbeat in rhythm to the tears of the heavens.
Her mood was clearly parallel to that of the heavy clouds.
"Who am I kidding...
WHO am I trying to kid..."
She slammed her palms against the glass panes,
which reverberated menacingly,
and leaped out her window,
her limbs outspread, in a frenzy, to vent
all the overdue frustration.
Not even the strong winds can stop her
from falling four levels down, now.
The evening was dark and dreary with rain-
so perfect.
The limp body of Judith bounced off
the trampoline her dad had bought for her
fifteenth birthday.
"Funny... I didn't hit the edges today.
My subconscious aim is getting so much better..."
She lay there, motionless for a while,
as she took in the cold trickles, letting
her tears blend in.
She didn't care if the neighbours saw
her sprawled out, so unglamorous,
on a ridiculously huge trampoline.
She was sick of the unpredictable
waves of fatigue and melancholy,
especially when she had too much time by her own,
and the rain was too tantalizing to move away from, anyway.
Dragging herself off the finally-stilled trampoline,
Judith tore through the rain around her neighbourhood,
immersed in her world of Gramophone and
uncaring of the cars that whizzed by her side.
It's been years.
No call. No indication. No concern.
"What was I to make of this?
That I did something wrong?
That you left for another?
Knowing could have helped so much more."
Judith felt so much like tearing her own skin apart,
except that she lacked the strength nor
the boldness to hurt herself, too much.
Instead, she let the angst and disappointment
lead her along her estate,
so that she could not feel her legs anymore,
that her arms soured and stitches played up in her sides,
but still, she ran on.
Judith was always running.
In reality, in her dreams/ nightmares.
She often woke up, a fraction from screaming,
drenched in sweat.
She hated running,
hated the things she ran from.
Sometimes, she hated herself.
She understood the mechanics of life, though.
Guys were always likely to leave for a more voluptuous lady,
one who had the looks-
big eyes, sharp nose, small lips, high cheekbones-,
who had a sharp tongue.
She's seen too many friends lose out,
and every time they did, she felt their pain.
And she, more than anyone else, knew
that, in a fight like this,
she will definitely lose out.
Judith lacked the long, lean legs that could seduce,
the luscious locks boys dug their head into,
the slender silhouette to get into tight-fit clothes,
the facial features which stood out.
She didn't really give a damn about these
feminine worries till Jake forced her to
delve into it.
It was as if all that he'd ever told her
were pieces of TV.
The closeness he displayed seemed an act,
the moments they shared likened a dress rehearsal,
every kiss was just practice for perfection...
his perfection.
As if coming from a broken family wasn't
enough trauma...
She immediately felt the knife stab
and dashed through the last stretch of road
before plunging onto her bed,
thoroughly soaked.
Judith crumpled into a ball
and sobbed herself to a dwindling heartbeat
against the London sky, while
her windows lay wide opened, her
curtains snaking up the walls,
and while shadows played across her ceiling.
Enough.
Like all stupid depressed females
with a broken heart,
a bottle, a broken empty glass and spilled pills
laid, abandoned,
at the corner of the bed.
it doesnt end here...
9:58 PM
Monday, October 5, 2009
Trekker
Ray walked out of the conference,
fresh with information and
sputtering with motivation and determination.
The biting winter frost would not dampen
her warmed heart.
The talk by Prof. Richard had been enriching
and fulfilling.
She thought about all the rewards that awaited
her budding invention-
her fuel.
She would be radical.
Ray giggled at the mere thought of
breaking out of the stupendous
male-dominant trend that ran,
haughty and obnoxious, in her office.
Disgusting promiscuous fools with their
poor strained suits.
She could die laughing if their
buttons gave way.
Oh, the joy of commanding them the way
they did over her.
She would point her newly manicured nails
at them and throw sarcastic remarks
on their efforts.
They were the reason she hated work.
And now, she had its remedy.
She left the office on clouds.
For weeks, she had frustrated herself over her goal,
focused on perfecting the solution
to handling lost kids in the mall.
Every day gone was a day closer to
the dateline.
Her colleagues gave her no break and
often tried to persuade her to let go of her task,
in their efforts to precede her.
They were a thread's width close to claiming her.
But still, that space counted-
And she broke through.
The boss liked her idea
and Prof. Richard commended
her thoughtfulness.
For Ray, it was more than a dream come true-
To win the Inventors' Award (held every half a decade)
of her company and receive public
acknowledgement by Prof. Richard.
All behind her glazed smiles,
she shoved mental socks down the snobbish
throats of her alligator-teared colleagues,
stifled the need to point The finger
and recited empty words of thanks to the
unsupportive managers and uncaring welfare members.
Tonight, she will be an
educated and refined lady of great heights.
Ray was a devout believer of Irony.
Trekker got patented the week after its announcement
and while there were many controversies,
a fairly large percentage surveyed supported the idea.
No one liked to be in the dark of the places
their loved ones were in and
Trekker had promised no side effect.
The only thing its receiver would feel is
equivalent to receiving an injection-
a plus point of the product-
and then wake up to the life he
had left as so, without
memory pertaining to its implantation.
Reports of lost kids, found, were rejoiced
upon the screens of homes for a period
before the excitement slowly dwindled as
they shadowed into common news.
None came back negative as yet and Ray
muttered thanks to God for that
stroke of luck.
But things had not always been gliding for Ray.
She began to feel invisible stares upon her back
and sourcing it out was always to no avail.
Initially, she dismissed it to the growing
load of work and research credited to her ability.
But such increasing occurrences
streamed along an uneasiness, reignited
from her high school years, in which
she experienced her greatest fear.
Gullibly, she pushed it to the thought
that her jealous colleagues were trying to get back at her.
But something about such movements
tingled the back of her head
and she found herself wading in nightmares
dubbed in snippets of teenage years.
Uneasiness had her spend more time in the office.
Much like a scene in horror movies,
Ray walked along the secluded streets,
where stray trash clankered down
a sloped curb and leaves would
swirl around the same spot.
Images of a cup of hot chocolate and a comedy
waiting for her at home
kept her from hitting the pub.
A soft sigh escaped
when the thought of winter
last year pulled Taylor into the picture.
She missed the times she'd wake up,
snug and comfortable in his arms
and when they shared times in the kitchen,
trying for an unprecedented concoction of
the ultimate berry tart.
She wondered if he missed her
as much as she did.
The kind of yearning that
had her promise herself that
she would hug him so tight when
he next returned.
If only he didn't have to go overseas...
She pulled her coat tighter against her
as a new wave of breeze washed over,
her hair caught in the tethers of
the gushing wind.
Engrossed in the fusion of Bloc Party,
she turned into her street-
and immediately got pulled into an alley.
It was such a fast and violent action,
she didn't even have time to scream or think,
but immediately felt a piercing sensation
on her neck.
It wasn't long before the walls
started to flicker in monochrome.
yellow.
purple.
orange.
grey...
Then she felt a grubby finger stroke
her neck and had her earphones removed
to hear the sound of passing cars.
"I'm here. Oh gracious. I'm here.
What the hell is happening?
Someone, please come get me.
I can't fragging move."
She could cry in fear now,
for when she felt the front of a body
crush against her back,
everything flooded her.
Only that she was numbed
and she could move nothing except her eyes.
Even her tear guts weren't working.The amount of profanities flashing,
furious in her head, was more than
she had ever swore in her entire lifetime.
Laid on the floor, blindfolded, her thoughts
started to vaporize when she felt
the chill and hard of the floor.
Ray struggled mentally to stay awake,
forcing Taylor to materialize before her.
Yet, the words she heard next
pried her finger open from the last rung-
" I've always wanted to do this..."
The sound of a belt buckle against the floor;
then, blank.
it doesnt end here...
11:40 PM
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Hugh. They let any stranger into the studio these days. Forget it. I turn away from the rude stranger that has intruded into my sanctuary--
The only place where my thoughts can come and go,
where I am allowed by the world to be the wonderer I need to be.
On the landing of the last flight of stairs, I already hear them looking for me.
"Make-up! We're gonna start again in 5!"
The day that Gill stops yelling would be the day of world peace.
"Where's Ray? She must be wonderin' off again! Find her!"
"I'm here, I'm here."
And the day that I'd love her again...
"Seth!" That tore a hole into my thoughts,"We must get this right! I know you can do this. What's gotten into you today, kid? Get out there and give it one last shot."
Getting down on my knees on the set-up tiles, I held my seemingly pain-wrought and bleeding co-star in my arms-- just a second ago she was sauntering over with a nibble of her baguette in her mouth.
"Take 4! Crying Scene! Action!"
Blank tears start forming in my eyes and empty words of passion start spilling out,
worlds apart from the ones I cried to her, the ones I whispered to her.
it doesnt end here...
9:12 AM
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Accidents
The clouds finally parted for the shy sun, which had been hiding behind them for the past few days. The day should be good. The warmth and brightness is emotionally pleasing. As the last bell rang for students to assemble in the school hall, handful of students scattered all around the compound made a beeline to the main building, with the discipline master already hot on their heels, his whistle blown rudely at the reluctant students.
My class was famed for being the most fun, with equivalent number of boys and girls, balancing out the shyness of the ladies and the vigour of the men. Things were always well for my class... except for the case of Gerald. Gerald was a scrawny boy. Donned with a thick pair of black spectacles and always seen with a bulging bag which threatened to have him topple over backwards, he was, in no time, given the name of 'dork' by other schoolmates.
This did not bother my class one bit as geek he may be, he was always the one to usher in trophies and awards for excellent academic performances and for that, we were proud of him. The class has always protected him from bullies in the school. They, unfortunately, could not be there for him all the time.
This day, the tree leaves rustled and its weak stems swayed. It was the monsoon season and the ominous clouds plagued the region by the early afternooon once more, rolling over each other, creating layers of dark clouds, and threatened to hurl their contents to the ground. No longer did I first thought of the beauty of nature, the storm started. The rain splashed against the window panes noisily and wind trying to seek shelter in the classrooms howled angrily at our refusal to open the windows. The water level started to augment as the rain continued for hours.
Everyone craved for a bowl of hot noodles and headed towards the canteen to warm themselves during recess. All except Gerald, who stayed in class to study for the history test to be held on the next day. Along the way to the library, he inadvertently bumped against Japhef, the widest boy in the level, apparently too engrossed in the textbook. As his muttered apology went unheard, Japhef twirled Gerald around by the arm and started hurling profanities at him.
Japhef was infamous. His large build had contributed to his confidence and he found joy in challenges- physical challenges. Japhef's sidekicks dragged Jerald back to their class and Gerald, afraid to the point of turning pale, trembled as he was led to the most notorious class. He was heading for the Lions' Den, and he had no help.
It was a ruckus in the classroom. Bits of paper lay neglected on the floor and the smell of sweat intertwined with strong deodorant intoxicated Gerald, causing his nose to wrinkle in disgust. People were seen crowded around a corner of the classroom. There was a wrestling match. Gerald glanced at the clock nervously.
'Fifteen minutes, fifteen more minutes and they will come look for me'
he sought to pacify himself.
Japhef's two bulky friends held Gerald tight as he tried to escape from looking at people receiving punches and kicks in their groins. He squealed and winced as if experiencing the pain as he witnessed the acts of violence, until attention was on him and Japhef stepped into the 'ring', a smile playing on his lips, beckoning him forward.
He could wet himself in fear. People were cheering but the room seemed blur. Forcefully pushed into the empty centre as girls around squealed for Japhef's imminent victory, Gerald became flustered and began begging for mercy, pouring out his apology.
'Ten more minutes. Oh God, please!'
his mind pleaded.
'Oh no, Gerald. Accidents do happen, I'm aware..but with me, accidents do not go off without consequences,'
Japhef's tone was arrogant as he looked down upon a kneeling Gerald.
'Let's begin.'
Cheers erupted and blanketed Gerald's screams. He has not told anyone. He has not told anyone why he never joined the class for Physical Education, why he was always buried in books and why he could not feel too much- he had a weak heart.
As he took on the blows of Japhef, struggling to stand, he heard girls' squeals become urgent warnings but he could only see blurry outlines. He felt a sick twisting sensation in his chest and doubled over in pain. He felt his uniform become wet as light started to fill his eyes. Then, blank.
The whole class stood outside the operating theatre, with Japhef's class at the other end. Some girls from my class were crying while the boys stood solemn, occasionally casting a glare at Japhef.
The police had been called in and were speaking to Gerald's father as his mother sobbed quietly at his side. The light of the operating theatre went off as a doctor walked out. Snippets of the conversation was heard and the girls stopped crying in relief. Gerald was still with us.
The policewoman then went over and handcuffed Japhef and his two pigs while they started to protest. The members of the class looked away in shame and guilt as the policewoman handled them. As they made their exit, Japhef let out a violent outburst
'BUT IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT!'
and my class smiled as the policewoman replied sternly.
'Accidents do happen, I'm aware but yours is too frequent and in the eyes of the law, they are not without consequences...'
it doesnt end here...
2:12 AM
Sunday, August 3, 2008
SethI am on the ends of the world.
The soles of my shoes scraping the edges of the cliff, inch by inch.
Even something as insignificant as a silent whisper of her breath can throw me off and send me falling into... ...
"Hugh!"
I look up.
it doesnt end here...
4:15 AM
Friday, July 18, 2008
On the rooftop is where my thoughts can come and go,
where I am allowed by the world to be the wonderer I so naturally am.
A cooling breeze brushes the contours of my face.
The noise from the cars below reminds me of where I am.
On Earth.
Seth Greene starring as Cassie Harrington (Lead)The neatly printed black words are staring back at me.
Seth... ... I puff a sigh and almost angrily place the paper creased with folds on the empty seat beside me.
Ugh. You're obssesed. Thinking to myself with great disgust.
But the thing is,
not one day that passed by that my urgent need to know his name did not grow.
I naively wondr why. I am in denial.
Just then, I hear a single footstep drag on the ground and then stop.
Rising from the bench,
I turn around to identify the intruder.
Immediately I hear a gasp.
Was it me?This is the first time I see my reflection in his eyes,
but they are angry...
it doesnt end here...
9:14 AM
Friday, July 11, 2008
I've never felt so invisible in my entire life.
Even when it could'nt be any more attention deprived.
I could cry... ...But who am I to complain?
Of course,
in their eys,
I am nothing but a part of the background in their lives.
Ha. Movie stars. I laugh without humour.
---
It seems strange how things turned out,
that 5 years ago I was living in the past era.
Yes, we were royalty,
but royalty to a secluded land that has hardly emerged from its well.
How we are oblivious about these modernized places, I don't know.
After we ran away,
we practically wandered around and stumbled across civilisation.
Saph and I struggled.
It was scary for us at first,
seeing cars and people wearing jeans,
but it didn't take long to finally blend in.
---
It's cold again tonight, and quiet.I can hear my footsteps thumping on the pavement.
It's a long walk home.
I open the door and see Saph sleeping at the dining table,
the cake I wanted in front of her.
Time: 2.34AM
This is why she is the best friend anyone could have.
it doesnt end here...
7:41 PM
